The War Against Humorlessness

From Iowahawk:

WICCANS DECRY ‘WAR AGAINST SOLSTICE’

Wiccan Coven Association President Ozrius Ravenclaw announced today
that his group would continue a formal economic boycott against
several major US retailers “until they cease their relentless and
cowardly attack on the Solstice.”

Retailers affected by the boycott include Target, WalMart, Dollar
General, Mills Fleet Farm, Victoria’s Secret, AutoZone, and Hy Vee.

“This is ‘Political Correctness’ gone crazy. Where ever you shop these
days, it seems like it’s ‘Happy Holidays’ or ‘Seasons Greetings,’”
said Ravenclaw, who was formerly known as Chuck Sundergard. “Whatever
happened to a good old fashioned ‘All Glory to Gaia’ or ‘Jhakkaa
Solztovo Chthulu?’”

Tractor Supply Company spokesman Kevin Neves denied accusations that
his company instructed sales clerks not to use traditional Wiccan
greetings.

“We welcome everybody to TSC, regardless of how they celebrate the
season,” said Neves. “We even stock a nice assortment of seasonal
animal sacrifice altars, back in Lawn & Garden.”

I’m a Wiccan. Been one for thirty years. (Yeah, yeah, “I was a
Wiccan before it was cool…”). Now, if I were the kind of humorless
gink at which Iowahawk is aiming, I’d be spluttering with indignation at
this insensitive and hurtful fling at my personal religion thing.

But you know what? I think it’s pretty funny.

See, unlike most members of huge evil monotheistic death cults, I
understand that serious is deadly. Any spiritual tradition that can’t
laugh at itself, that can’t step outside its own dogmas and admit how
absurd it can look from the outside, has already become a cancer.

If you notice that damn few religions can pass this test, you’re
getting the idea. There aren’t more than a handful fit to take up room
in a sane human being’s head. Thankfully, Wicca is still one of them.
It hasn’t become deadly serious. Yet, anyway.

Of course, Iowahawk isn’t actually flinging at Wicca at all. He’s
using the entirely fictional “Ozrius” as a reductio ad absurdam of Christian conservatives
who really do behave like this. Joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck.

I take issue with his satire on only one minor technical point.
What’s up with this “Jhakkaa Solztovo” nonsense? Everybody
knows the correct greeting in the name of Cthulhu is “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu
R’lyeh fhtagn!”
Harrumph…you’re never
going to successfully invoke any hideous all-devouring Elder Gods if you
keep that up…

45 thoughts on “The War Against Humorlessness

  1. you’re never going to successfully invoke any hideous all-devouring Elder Gods if you keep that up
    I suspect he knew that. The “error” is probably a feature – after all, who’d want Cthulhu at their holiday party?

  2. Wow Eric, as a long time tea totaller, it looks like you have finally fallen off the wagon.

    I pity you your headache in the morning, dear friend.

  3. Hmmm.

    A lot of people make these snide little accusations towards Christians but I frankly disagree. Christianity is the dominant religion of America and has been so for a very long time. It is also the most tolerant religion imaginable. You joke that, as a Wiccan, you’ve obviously have a much better sense of humor. However Wicca hasn’t been the sole target of a multitude of special interest groups and privledged individuals in a near constant attack for the past 50 years or so. So you really don’t have any point of reference whatsoever.

    Personally I’m not Christian. Some of my best friends growing up in New Hampshire are very devout Christians. Many of my friends in the here and now are devout Christians. And some aren’t either devout or Christian. However it is apparent to many people I know that there is indeed an assault on Christmas and Christianity. In many cases the religious symbols of other religions are allowed and yet the Nativity scene is not. All across America towns with a cross on a symbol or seal are being sued to have it removed. Los Angeles has recently removed a small nearly insignificant cross from it’s seal due to a lawsuit by the ACLU.

    And each year that passes a little more Christianity is shredded from American society. For many people Christmas is no longer Christmas. In New York the public schools aren’t allowed to even refer to it as Christmas but instead refer to it as “Winter Holiday”. Easter even has lost much of it’s ties to the Christ and is more about Beatrix Potter’s rabbit and coloring eggs. For years I looked forward to viewing a rerun of “Miracle on 34th Street” just for the nostalgia. However this year I couldn’t find it on any channel, anywhere.

    Perhaps this is a good thing to you. *shrug* you’re entitled to your opinion. But if that’s the case then I never, ever, want to hear about you bitching about this subject. As Christianity is removed from America it will be replaced by something else. An element in humanity seems to require a level of spirituality. If Christianity isn’t going to be around to provide it then another religion will. Perhaps you think it’ll be Wicca. Frankly I think it’ll be Islam.

    Good luck with that.

  4. >However Wicca hasn’t been the sole target of a multitude of special interest groups and privledged individuals in a near constant attack for the past 50 years or so. So you really don’t have any point of reference whatsoever.

    Right. All we have to deal with is Pat Robertson and half a dozen other fundamentalist-yahoo preachers threatening to burn us at the fucking stake. And the grim knowlege that when Christianity gets enough of a lock on temporal power this actually happens.

    Your ignorance of history is astonishing.

  5. Your ignorance of history is astonishing.

    Nah. Have you forgotten the power of the Church to create ignorance where there once was knowledge? Ed says he isn’t a Christian. I don’t mean to be incendiary, but do you believe him?

  6. >Right. All we have to deal with is Pat Robertson and half a dozen other fundamentalist-yahoo preachers threatening to >burn us at the fucking stake. And the grim knowlege that when Christianity gets enough of a lock on temporal power this >actually happens.

    Oh puh-lease. I hear this all the time. Get a grip.
    Count the number of times christians have fought FOR your freedoms vs. the miniscule minority of lunatics claiming to be Christians who have persecuted you.

    >Your ignorance of history is astonishing.
    Right back at you.

  7. Any spiritual tradition that can’t laugh at itself, that can’t step outside its own dogmas and admit how absurd it can look from the outside, has already become a cancer.

    Or any political tradition, for that matter.

  8. What makes the joke truly absurd is that Christians tend to conflate threats to Christian dominance with threats to Christianity itself; as most Wiccans probably know, Wicca never really enjoyed that dominance.

    By invoking the political side of the same coin, adrian10 inadvertently raises a possibility you have so far refused to consider, Eric: namely that Americans interpret threats to American dominance as threats to America’s existence.

  9. Ed, just because Christianity is the dominant religion in America does not mean that it has a place in American government. Indeed, I would argue that that makes it especially important to guard against encroachment of Christianity into our government, lest we fall into the theocracy that the rabid left-wing moonbats claim we already have.

  10. ed: Christmas was moved to the winter solstice by early Christians to co-opt Saturnalia and other winter-solstice celebrations. Easter, likewise, was a co-opting of the festivals of the Celtic goddess of the dawn – the eggs/bunnies/etc all come from her festival. Just thought you might appreciate a longer view, here. They’re not de-Christianising Christmas, they’re returning the winter celebration to something closer to its original meaning.

    Yes, it seems silly to remove and outlaw Christian symbols and not others, but Christianity is in a better position to take it than most other religions.

  11. > “who’d want Cthulhu at their holiday party?”. I dunno. Who else is coming?

    Nyarlathotep hopefully…he’s a hoot with a few tequila slammers down his neck

  12. Well, Eric it’s just so nice that you believe in SOMETHING. I mean, at least you have the satisfaction of thinking about all the wonderful advances in human civilization, from the moldboard plow to the iPod, made in countries dominated by Wiccan influence – oh, wait.

  13. Yes, it seems silly to remove and outlaw Christian symbols and not others, but Christianity is in a better position to take it than most other religions.

    By that logic, it would be acceptable for a woman to abuse her husband if he weighed twice as much.

    Christmas was moved to the winter solstice by early Christians to co-opt Saturnalia and other winter-solstice celebrations.

    Actually, I recently learned that the date of Christmas was likely chosen based on the odd (to me) belief that prophets were conceived and died on the same date. Since Christ was believed to have died on March 25, that made his birthdate December 25. This date jives with the timeline in Luke of John the Baptist’s and Jesus’ conceptions. For a detailed explanation of this, see here. For more information on the origins of Christmas, see here, here, here, and here. The first link is the most detailed, and IMO the best.

    Easter, likewise, was a co-opting of the festivals of the Celtic goddess of the dawn – the eggs/bunnies/etc all come from her festival.

    Um, no. The date of Jesus’ resurrection has never been in question, and the first Christians celebrated it immediately by worshiping together the first day of every week, instead of on the Sabbath according to Jewish tradition. The date of Easter is still based on the Jewish calendar, and Easter was celebrated long before the Romans even had anything to do with the Celts.

    The secular traditions associated with both Christmas and Easter are an amalgamation of cultural traditions from around the world. Show me a pagan culture that didn’t celebrate new life in the spring, and I’ll be surprised. However, these secular traditions became associated with Christian holidays over 2000 years. In the 4th century, Christmas and Easter couldn’t possibly have been close to what we observe now. Even the name ‘Easter’ has pagan roots, and was applied to the day long after the first observance. Furthermore, many other cultures have different names for these holidays and observe different traditions.

    Every culture worldwide has holidays, and with a finite year, some are bound to overlap and become mixed over time. That’s no reason to denigrate one by saying it’s copying another; it’s just the way cultures evolve.

  14. Anybody know anything about the rumor that the date of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth was “changed” to reflect (and therefore obscure) that of Zarathushtra?

    Also, it should be noted that Thomas Jefferson would best be described as a deist–something which should explain his involvement in the writing of the Bill of Rights.

  15. “Any spiritual tradition that can’t laugh at itself, that can’t step outside its own dogmas and admit how absurd it can look from the outside, has already become a cancer.”

    Wow, it seems Wiccans and Diamond Way Buddhists have some things in common :) Lama Ole Nydahl told us that “If you become stiff bureaucratic, humorless and boring after I die, I will take a rebirth and kick your ass.” and “If no other healthy scandal occurs for two years to shake people up I think Tomek and I will dress up as drag queens…” :-) It seems to be the same basic philosophy :-) Anyway, have I mentioned that if you add Zen and Neopaganism together, what you roughly get is Diamond Way?

  16. 2 adrian10: “Or any political tradition, for that matter.” – finally we agree in something, that’s good :) I equally hold a healthy distance of Conservatives who despise some healthy anti-Christian humor and Liberals who despise some healthy racist/chauvinist humor. And everybody else who thinks he and his beliefs are so important and holy.

    2 ed: “Frankly I think it’ll be Islam.” – these are my hidden fears too. A society just cannot live on materialism – people need dreams and illusions. It is a basic human instinct to go for something more than the pure naked ego. After 1000 years of violent madness, Christianity finally descended into a harmless and humane illusion. Although it is still illogical, joyless and stiff so I myself will never choose it, it can make a lot of (not very intelligent) people find their inner peace and live a fuller life, even though it is based on lies. To a lot of people, Christianity is helpful – a useful illusion. They need it, and if they find out their belief is generally not respected, I think they might leave it and turn to much more horrible ideologies such as Fascism, Communism or Islam. They need an illusion.

    So I think we should treat Christians as our strange, clumsy and somewhat stupid allies, but nevertheless allies, not enemies, not neutrals, but allies. We should be respectable to them, and accept their customs to some level into the general society just as an emotional bribe to them. And the reason for this is simply that they are willing to fight with us shoulder to shoulder against more horrible enemies, such as Fascism, Communism and Islam.

  17. Shenpen: To a degree I understand and agree with your analysis of why we should accept Christianity. I think that would be fine if what we had were a bunch of wishy-washy Christians who wanted to play acoustic guitar or make picture story books for children of the less frightening Biblical stories, and no one got particularly uptight about anything. I do think that to some extent the majority of people need mythology, rituals, etc.

    I think the problem is that this sort of watered down form of religion, much like low-calorie food, leaves people feeling a little empty still. In this respect, the project is self-defeating, and it’s more or less the same as secular humanism in the end.

    Also, it’s not the sort of “live and let live” Christians who tend to get involved in politics and the broader cultural milieu. That avenue tends to be left to the more extreme elements of the religion, which is why I think in that sense, Christianity can be as much a monster (if not more so) than any of the horrible enemies you describe. Let’s not forget where Christianity was often at one hundred years ago (a place and time many of the fundamentalist Christian variety see as a wet dream).

  18. By invoking the political side of the same coin, adrian10 inadvertently raises a possibility you have so far refused to consider, Eric: namely that Americans interpret threats to American dominance as threats to America’s existence.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What threat!? Unless you think that there’s something wrong with us resenting being blown up, I can’t fathom what you’re referring to. Or maybe we’re supposed to hate Nintendo and SEGA or something? Eff that, I hate Microsoft and Sony. Friggin’ killed the Dreamcast, fraggin’ PS2. I’ll never forgive those mouth-breathing neanderthals for that offense! I betcha SEGA and Sony have mad ninja wars over in Japan over this stuff, I know I would. I also bet there were more than a few cases of seppuku when the Dreamcast was discontinued. I tried with a frisbee, but the “waiting” part took too long and I got distracted and started playing Halo 2. Which is totally awesome, BTW. I know a lot of people hate it because they got rid of the old pistol, but what people don’t understand was that the old pistol was *way* too poweful. I mean come on, your assault rifle is a pea shooter, but your pistol is a four-shot-kill sniper rifle? That makes no sense. Besides, the new battle rifle is basically the spiritual descendent of the pistol, but without the absurd range. The only thing I miss is not being able to kill those hunters with one well placed pistol shot to the back. Those frag-faces are HARD now! You got to get ‘em with the sniper rifle. Either that or you need to empty a metric frag-ton of ordnance into ‘em and hope for the best.

    But yeah, seriously, the america is totally like the Master Chief. What threat to our dominance are we suppose to be afraid of? Militarly, the only possibilities are something like Iran getting the bomb, but that’s really just a threat to the health of humanity in general. I mean, I don’t think we exactly care that the Aussies have the best Special Forces unit. Well, OK, I take it back, that’s not totally true, we definitely care and we try to keep up. And it’s not like Seals and MEU-SOC are slouches or nothin’, but you just don’t mess with the SAS. But the point is, we don’t get our undies in a bunch over it.

    Maybe your talking about a threat to our economic dominance. Once again, I don’t really know what your basing that on, maybe you should check out nationmaster some time. The only people who worry about our place in the international economy are the econo-ignoramuses who don’t understand the rammifications of a trade deficit (or lack thereof). I mean, come on, I’ve got a mad trade deficit with my grocery store, you think I’m concerned about that? Fraggin’ hippies, blathering on about the “hegemonic praxis” of American culture. Who says that anyway? “Hegemonic praxis.” That’s like using utilize when you could just utilize use — it’s gratuitous complication. I think the point is to try and out-word the opposition, but I don’t know what the goal is. And what is so hegemonic about us anyway? In my neck of the woods, there’s a chinese or vietnamese joint for every taco bell. Wait, taco bell is a bad example, because that’s sorta mexicanish, but you know where I’m going with this. Or what about the memetic influence of chop-sockey flicks? Or like I said above, two of the three major videogame console manufacturers are japanese — heck, we fabricate tons of silicone over seas. And I’m sure you’ve seen made in taiwan/polynesia/indonesia/taiwan stamped all over practically everything you buy. You don’t really see any economic conservatives whing about that, although the liberals always have their undies in a bunch. Although if you’re saying your anti-liberal, I’m down with that. A liberal is just a hippie who’s discovered a shower.

    But seriously Jeff, you talk too much. You need to think your posts out a little bit more, I mean gosh, even a redneck like myself can see the problems in your logic.

  19. I’ll take “hegemonic praxis” over references to video games on a system you front like you have a hate on for, any day of the week. Oh, and by-the-by, according to wc, my original post had 67 words, whereas your reply has a whopping 650 words — nearly a factor of 10 increase in verbal spewage. Who talks too much, again?

    So let me put it in terms even a redneck like you would understand. Bottom line, you’re right: America really has nothing to be afraid of. Its sole advantage in today’s hypercompetitive global marketplace is as you put it, “metric frag-tons of ordnance” — enough weapons and firepower to level any other country several times over (including even Red China, in my estimation). It’s not industry (or industriousness), it’s not intelligence or education (we’re at the bottom of the developed world when it comes to educating our chilluns), and it sure as hell ain’t culture, which as many have observed, has become a culture of the marketplace and of marketing.

    But America still matters! And it’s going to show it matters by taking its God-awfully powerful arsenal into backwards desert nations and blowing the hell out of the scum who “threaten” us (but don’t really because who can stand against us?). In the schoolyard, picking on those you know can’t legitimately challenge you is called bullying; in the White House it’s called “defending freedom”.

    And don’t bring up Nine Eleven. Those towers practically free-fell to the ground in a manner totally inconsistent with the official “pancaking” scenario. It was likely a controlled demolition.

  20. Pete: The thing I find ironic about you is that you claim your opponents talk a lot of nonsense, yet you seem to talk more and more nonsense yourself, as pointed out.

  21. It was likely a controlled demolition.

    Has to be said, Jeff, assuming you’re not bringing it up as a joke, the idea that somebody had prerigged the towers to be demolished after being struck by airliners is a stretch. It’s a bit like all the Muslims who sincerely believe the Queen had Diana assassinated because she was carrying a Muslim child who by some rather unprecedented bit of inheritance was going to be in line for the British throne (hint: oh no it wasn’t). I mean, something like 9/11 almost certainly *was* just what Bush’s crew wanted as an excuse to attack Iraq, but that doesn’t mean they set it up. It would have taken too many people, and some of them would have blabbed eventually.

  22. pot says:

    OK, Kettle has officially passed the ‘black’ threshold.

    First Bessman accuses me of talking too much in the most pointlessly verbose manner possible, and now the man who thinks himself in danger of being burned at the stake is telling me I’m a ‘foaming loony’! I’m not trying to ascribe some undeserved warm fuzziness to Christendom but every time you bring that up I’m reminded of Jack Chick, who went into hiding because he thinks the Vatican is coming for him.

    If you are really legitimately concerned about that sort of thing I’m surprised that you don’t join me in having a healthy fear of what the current “faith-based” administration is willing and capable of doing.

    adrian, unless and until I find solid physics which allows for pancaking floors to collapse at near-free-fall speeds, I’m afraid I’m going to have to regard the official story concerning the WTC as suspect.

  23. *cough* HUMORLESS *cough*

    I mean, seriously — tell me you’re not that dense. Say it. Say “I’m not that dense.” Say “I’m not so dumb-out-of-my-fraggin-mind that I couldn’t pick out the blatantly obvious joke.” To wit, accusing you of talking too much in the most pointlessly verbose manner possible. I am well and truly surprised that you didn’t get it — I really thought you’d find the funny. Doubly so for Caleb.

    But hey, I’m a big man. I can own up to my mistakes. You guys are about twice as dumb as I thought you were. There, I said it. It wasn’t easy, but honor demands honesty, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint ya’ll.

    *giggle*

    Who’s the asshole now?

  24. 2 Caleb: I think it is church-dependant. My experience is that it is fairly easy to get along with Catholics: it’s the Protestants who tend to be quite stiff. I have some Catholic friends and while of course they don’t really like people getting into an uber-liberal queer-pride tirade, as long as one lives a fairly normal life, they don’t start moralistic finger-pointing. (Fairly normal means that practicing a different spiritual path, or going to parties, picking up girls, drinking booze and even an occassional joint does not bother them.) I think while Protestants take religion quite personally and this is why they tend to become stiff, Catholics take their religious life as a small part in a huge, thousands-years old ever-changing tradition, where small differences don’t really count.

  25. A bit more explanation to my previous post: I think the problems with Christianity are originating directly from the Bible. Therefore the best thing any Christian can do is to go as far from the Bible as possible and coin up a religion on their own. Basically this is what Catholics always did, getting more and more independent from the Bible by every generation. And if we look at that they started out with the Recipe Book of Neurosity (the Bible) about 1700-1800 years ago and now they are almost normal, I think they are doing a good job. From completely crappy, they managed to build something that almost works. It’s like rewriting Linux kernel in Borland Delphi – a stupid idea, but an admirable feat.

  26. Pete: Yeah, yeah. Given your propensity to talk crap at the best of times you can’t have your cake and eat it too. It’s like you calling me full of crap and then me saying, “didn’t you realise it was all one big joke?” What you wrote seemed fairly in line with your usual nonsense, so why wouldn’t anyone take it as more of the same? Sure, if you want to play that intellectual Get Out of Jail Free card, that’s fine, but how is anyone going to take you seriously when you’re not trying to make a joke? Talk about intellectual dishonesty.

  27. Pete: No, because you talk irrelevant nonsense, construct strawmen and rant and rave, which didn’t seem to be the case when you first arrived here. You seemed quite calm and collected. Now you seem quite likely to fly off the handle, which is why I find it so ironic that you then consider other people loopy. Personally, I don’t care whether they are or not. What I find amusing is the gross hypocrisy coming from you.

  28. Dude, you lost. Do it with dignity, at least.

    I mean, you’re proving my point when you say “You seemed quite calm and collected. Now you seem quite likely to fly off the handle.” If I should post something egregiously out of character, in a thread focused on the sad pervasiveness of humorlessness, saying that I attempted seppuku with a frisbee (among other things), it should be evident that a joke is in development. In fact, the seppuku with a frisbee concept is a direct reference to the somewhat popular ninja humor site, realultimatepower.net. But you don’t have to take my word for it, observe the following link if you still think I’m reneging:

    http://www.realultimatepower.net/ninja/seppuku.htm

    Do you notice a shift in the tone of my writing now? Check out my blog (click on my name) for more samples. In fact, you can just google for “ninjadroid” or “pete bessman” and see my manner of debate in action on countless other forums. I think that cursory inspection should reveal that, if my above post wasn’t in jest, I was high. Considering that I don’t drink anything stronger than protein shakes, the latter is not an option.

    The reality of the situation is that my “hypocrisy” is as non-existant as your putative “amusement” over it. You’ve been had — and worse, it was entirely unintentional. The humorful laugh at this — the humorless don’t. If you agree with adrian10 when he told me I needed thicker skin when my libertarianism was being questioned, I dare say that you are the one curently engaged in hypocrisy.

    Lighten up, shut up, or (by default) continue as a pansy — but don’t try to construe what I said earlier as anything but a joke. Perhaps it wasn’t funny, but if you mistook it for an attempt at serious debate, that indicates a personal failure on your behalf, not mine.

  29. If you agree with adrian10 when he told me I needed thicker skin when my libertarianism was being questioned, I dare say that you are the one curently engaged in hypocrisy.

    Libertarianism which has reconciled itself to the state Until Such Time As The Need To Beat On Muslims Shall Have Passed is kind of asking for it IMO, but it’s not necessarily going to be easy to emulate Eric in the thick skin department – he’s had a fair fraction of the geek community hurling epithets at him for ages. Jealous dweebs, all of them. Mind you, I think the Felchmail Project is going too far.

  30. Hey, this is my first time here, and may very well be my last. But seeing as how I’m here, I figure that I should make a relevant point. Sarcasm and subtlety can be(and usually are) caustic. It’s hard to convey tone over a digital medium, so why doesn’t everyone just stick to saying what they mean? It’s the objectivist thing to do! ;)

  31. Pete: No, not at all regarding I lost. There was a time when you were quite rational. Then, you went all Full Metal Jacket on us around midnight back on December 23rd in “The smell of victory, part deux”. You wonder why I’ve been a little suspicious since? Your ranting and raving in this thread and others of late has been in a similar vein. If you don’t think there’s a difference in tone between the night before Christmas Eve and now, go back and read some of the stuff you wrote before then. It was decent stuff.

    I am amused over you. Whether you’ve had me or not, I don’t care. The only thing that keeps me from admitting I’m wrong to you (even though I don’t think I am, but frankly, I don’t care with you) to just get you to shut up is that I can get so many more laughs out of watching you wind yourself up. I’m at the point with you now where I know I’m not going to get the old Rational Pete, so I’m learning to love the new Irrational Pete. He’s much more fun anyway. I honestly do get a laugh out of you. That’s why I keep coming back, and I’m sure that’s why you keep coming back. We both think the other is an idiot, yet we can’t seem to look away. The horror!

  32. No, I just love the way you get riled up. As to the event or its aftermath, why do sports shows analysing in the aftermath go for nearly as long as the game? People love talking and listening to crap I guess. I’m one of them, you just haven’t realised you are too or you would be doing better things than posting on the internet to a fool like me.

  33. I felt the need to visit this page after hearing about the Islamic cartoon scandal.

    Muslims are so offended by the cartoon, that in Britain they’re marching in the streets calling for another July 7 attack.

    To help them get used to the idea of satire, I say we give Cartoon Mohammed his own series on Comedy Central.

  34. Magic users unite against terrorism!

    1400 years ago a minor demon named “Hubal” (possibly not it’s truename) took up residence in a black stone near the red sea. It was eventually able to conscript the leader of a developing millitant religion, one Mahomet Abdula. In the years since Hubal has fed mightily upon human sacrifices, rape and torture.

    With 1.2 billion slaves on earth today Hubal sees a chance at it’s greatest feast ever in the form of nuclear weapons.
    All true worshippers of islam believe that magic is real, surra 113 and other places they must believe because it is the word of their god that it is so:
    in response to the question “the family of Jafar is afflicted by an evil eye, may I use spells for them?” the acolyte of hubal says
    “yes, for if there were ever anything in the world which would overcome fate, it would be an evil eye”

    All magic users should begin a concerted effort to cast spells of banishment, excorcism or any spell capable of affecting demons upon the Ka’ba. Furthermore general spells of misdirection, confusion and disruption might be useful.
    The Ka’ba is the magical heart of Hubal’s dominion and is protected from every side by its believers. However after an exhaustive round of astral projections I have found a sizeable opening in the wards surrounding the Ka’ba (originally created by the now almost extinct Suffi mages) those mages never bothered to protect the Ka’ba from above. Classic earthbound thinking. I have placed an open Seal of Solomon (similar to a star of David, ironic, no?) on top of the Ka’ba from within the astral plane. This can be used as a touch point for any future spells created by our fellow magic users.

    Furthermore, this being the 21st century numeroues satellites regularly orbit above the Ka’ba. By acquiring a satellite image from any of the dozens of sources on the internet (you can look them up at google) a mage, wicca, wizard, etc. can obtain a magical link from directly overhead. The center of the Kabaa is N 021 25.355′ E 039 49.573′
    And it’s global coordinates are: 21°25′24″N, 39°49′24″E Satellites can become a greatly amplified “evil eye” albeit for the freedom of humanity.

    Remember, their own leader says that magic will work against them, and they’ve already killed all the magic users they used to have to restore/strengthen their wards. All Hubal has to work with is the raw human mana it can draw from it’s followers which is still considerable if undifferentiated. Protect yourself before beginning any spells, especially with nested reflection wards. Consider using self-replicating spells and viral or memetic entanglement in your spells too, Hubal has a terrible time dealing with rational designs.
    Hubal is currently operating under the invocative “Allah Akbar” which can be reversed to produce symbolic degradation. It is also possible to consider the gender issue here, the black stone which Hubal no longer entirely occupies (has spread out to the entire Ka’ba) is shrouded with a vaginal appearing silver opening. Slaves are required to kiss the black stone therein. Over 1300 years a vaguely facelike impression has been made on the stone by those slaves. This image too is a good striking point albeit quite a bit more difficult.
    For some reason Hubal greatly fears the jews. Perhaps Kabalism contains a key to it’s destruction.

    Good luck and may the 50 little gods be with you.
    Give me liberty or give me liberty there is no other choice.

  35. This year I’ve been fighting on the Best Buy front on the war on Christmas with an original song that seems to be generating lots of interest.

    As you may know, Best Buy banned the use of “Merry Christmas” in their ads this year. It caused me to wonder what kind of an Inn Best Buy would be if it were an Inn, and not a department store, back in Bethlehem when Jesus was born. That thought gave birth to this song:

    Best Buy Inn
    Dr. BLT
    words and music by Dr. BLT (c)2006
    http://www.drblt.net/music/BestBI.mp3

  36. “We welcome everybody to TSC, regardless of how they celebrate the
    season,” said Neves. “We even stock a nice assortment of seasonal
    animal sacrifice altars, back in Lawn & Garden.” – This quote seems a bit odd to me as far as i was aware wiccans don’t sacrifice animals but correct me if I am wrong.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>