I’m reposting this screed from 2002 because it’s no longer visible on the Web, and in the near future I expect to post some things that will get me accused of right-wing bias.
Top Ten Reasons I’m Not A (Left-)Liberal:
- Gun control. Liberals are completely wrong about this. A fair number
of them know better, too, but they sponsor lies about it as a form of class
warfare against conservative-leaning gun owners.
- Nuclear power. They’re wrong about this, too, and the cost in
both dollars and human deaths by pollution and other fossil-fuel
side-effects has been enormous.
- Affirmative action. These programs couldn’t be a more diabolical or
effective plan for plan for entrenching racial prejudice if the Aryan
Nations had designed them.
- Abortion: The liberals’ looney-toon feminist need to believe that
a fetus one second before birth is a parasitic lump of tissue with no
rights, but a fetus one second afterwards is a full human, has done
half the job of making a reasoned debate on abortion
- Communism. I haven’t forgiven the Left for sucking up to the monstrous
evil that was the Soviet Union. And I never will.
- Socialism. Liberals have never met a tax, a government
intervention, or a forcible redistribution of wealth they didn’t like.
Their economic program is Communism without the guts to admit it.
- Junk science. No medical study is too bogus and no environmental
scare too fraudalent for liberals. If it rationalizes bashing
capitalism or slathering on another layer of regulatory bureaucracy,
they’ll take it.
- Defining deviancy down. Liberals are in such a desperate rush to
embrace the `victimized by society’ and speak the language of
compassion that they’ve forgotten how to condemn harmful,
self-destructive and other-destructive behavior.
- William Jefferson Clinton. Sociopathic liar, perjurer, sexual predator.
There was nothing but a sucking narcissistic vacuum where his principles
should have been. Liberals worship him.
- Liberals, by and large, are fools.
Top Ten Reasons I’m Not A Conservative:
- Pornography. The complete absence of evidence that exposure to
sexually-explicit material is harmful to children or anyone else doesn’t
stop conservatives from advocating massive censorship.
- Drugs. We found out that Prohibition was a bad idea back in the
1930s — all it did was create a huge and virulent criminal class, erode
respect for the law, and corrupt our politics. Some people never learn.
- Creationism. I don’t know who I find more revolting, the drooling
morons who actally believe creationism or the intelligent panderers
who know better but provide them with political cover for their
religious-fundamentalist agenda in return for votes.
- Abortion. The conservatives’ looney-toon religious need to
believe that a fertilized gamete is morally equivalent to a human
being has done the other half of making a reasoned debate on abortion
- Racism. I haven’t forgiven the Right for segregation, Jim Crow laws,
and lynching blacks. And I never will.
- Sexism. Way too much conservative thought still reads like an
apologia for keeping women barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.
- Anti-science. Stem cells, therapeutic cloning — it doesn’t matter
how many more diabetes, cancer and AIDS patients have to die to
protect the anti-abortion movement’s ideological flanks. Knowledge —
who needs it? Conservatives would try suppressing astronomy
if the telescope had just been invented.
- Family values. Conservatives are so desperate to reassert the
repressive `normalcy’ they think existed in Grand-dad’s time that they
pretend we can undo the effects of the automobile, television, the
Pill, and the Internet.
- Ronald Wilson Reagan. A B-movie actor who thought ketchup was
a vegetable. His grip on reality was so dangerously weak that the
Alzheimer’s made no perceptible difference. Conservatives worship him.
- Conservatives, by and large, are villains.